


The Irritable Tide

by Ceredwen



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Impotence, M/M, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-23
Updated: 2010-06-23
Packaged: 2017-10-10 06:09:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/96450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ceredwen/pseuds/Ceredwen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius has a problem he doesn't want Remus to find out about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Irritable Tide

**Author's Note:**

> Written for bright18 for her birthday (though quite late when delivered). The prompts were 'building a fire' 'getting lost' and 'velvet.' I used all three. Title and excerpt taken from the poem Spontaneous Me, by Walt Whitman.

_The curious roamer the hand roaming all over the body, the bashful  
withdrawing of flesh where the fingers soothingly pause and  
edge themselves,  
The limpid liquid within the young man,  
The vex'd corrosion so pensive and so painful,  
The torment, the irritable tide that will not be at rest,_   
\-- Spontaneous Me, by Walt Whitman

Lips pulled back, Remus examines his freshly-brushed teeth and then breathes on his hand and takes a sniff. All good there. He looks at himself in the mirror, checking himself over. He frets for a moment over the gray streaks in his hair and the lines and scars on his face, and then frowns. It isn't like Sirius doesn't know who he is - this is no ill-advised seduction of a perfect stranger. Nor is the case that Sirius hasn't an interest or that Remus is unsure of the other's feelings. Still, he is Remus, prone to fretting and worrying, and things have been strained since Sirius' rather unexpected return from the dead, or whatever it was that had happened to him.

After more than a month of dancing around each other like circling celestial bodies with off kilter orbits, Remus is a bit weary of the tension between them. Sirius had always been the impatient one, the one who wanted it all, and right now with no delay. Now he shies away long before their gentle kisses and soft touches turn urgent. Remus had realized that there was something the matter, but there had been no disclosures. Sirius was never good at hiding secrets from him, but this one he had held close to his chest. Sirius parries, doing verbal leaps and pirouettes to keep Remus at bay; it is the very sort of thing he has never been skilled at - isn't skilled at, actually, for all that he tries. He drops clues like breadcrumbs in the forest, but until this morning, Remus hadn't been able to figure out where he was being led.

Of course, he'd had to fight his own insecurities along the way. Remus had been confused and hurt, but now he knows, and it is time to put an end to all of this foolishness. Not that he doesn't understand, he is full of sympathy and compassion. He also knows he will have to tread ever so carefully. For all that Sirius likes to put up a tough front, his ego has a glass jaw.

The final clue, the one that all the other clues are hinged upon, the one that without which no coherent conclusion could be drawn, had come that morning. It was wrong to stay and watch, he knew that, and he had felt guilty for it at the time, but now all he feels is relieved. The door to Sirius' private bathroom had been left open; Remus had heard the water running and saw the wisps steam leaking out into the bedroom. The soft whimpers of distress had moved Remus across the bedroom in an instant to check what the matter was, but once he saw Sirius through the clear glass door to his shower, Remus understood it wasn't pain, it was frustration.

The glass wasn't so fogged up that Sirius was completely hidden from view. Remus watched as he pulled and pulled and pulled on a prick that refused to come to life. Remus knew that Azkaban and the Veil and taken their toll, but he had never guessed that Sirius' reticence had to do with this.

He has a suspicion that if he can just get Sirius to relax, slow down, take his time, that they can fix this together. In all honesty, he had felt a bit sorry for Sirius' poor cock. A little patience, a little tenderness, is all Remus thinks Sirius needs, and if that doesn't get it, there are always potions - Sirius' pride be damned.

Outside of the drawing room, Remus takes a deep breath and then enters. The room is toasty warm from the fire that Sirius has built and stoked. The soft orange glow bathes the room in a romantic light. Remus smiles.

He crosses the floor on quiet steps, and comes up behind Sirius in his chair.

"Hey," he murmurs low in Sirius' ear as he runs his hands down Sirius' shoulders and chest.

"I heard you, you know," says Sirius on a soft laugh.

With one hand still on Sirius' chest, he comes around the chair and then crawls up into Sirius' lap.

"Aren't you clever," whispers Remus, and then nibbles an earlobe. Sirius immediately stiffens.

"Something wrong?" asks Remus mildly.

"I just think we should take things slowly," says Sirius, repeating Remus' least favorite phrase of late.

Murmuring a hum of agreement, Remus kisses him then, on the corner of his mouth; it is little more than a peck that lingers. Another follows on Sirius' lower lip, and then another on his upper. There is nothing hurried in Remus' actions, moving slowly, deliberately, peppering Sirius' mouth with easy kisses.

Beneath him Remus feels Sirius relax; he brings up a hand to caress Remus' shoulder. Remus moves to Sirius' cheeks, and then down his throat, but only so far. Reaching up to whisper in Sirius' ear, Remus says, "I never stopped loving you. I don't think I've told you that, but I need you to know. Even when I wanted to hate you, even when you frustrated me while stuck in this house, even after you died."

"Moony," whispers Sirius. There is such an ache in his voice as his body tightens and draws back to look Remus in the eye. Remus makes damn sure he looks relaxed, like he knows this isn't going anywhere.

"What's wrong? Take it slow, right? Isn't that what you've been saying?" says Remus. "There's no harm in a bit of snogging is there?"

Sirius snorts. "You've rounded forty and you're still calling it snogging?"

"Oh, that's cheating!" says Remus indignantly, and then laughs. He kisses Sirius' mouth again, a bit more freely since Sirius was relaxed enough to joke. Normally Remus' advances killed Sirius' humor, which gives Remus a small thrill of victory. Sirius believed he wasn't going to have his boundaries challenged. "Just because you haven't aged for five years doesn't give you the right to hold it over my head."

Sirius grins and they kiss again, and then Remus settles a little more comfortably, repositioning his knees to the out side of Sirius' thighs. They kiss deeply, wetly, but without any urgency, like they've got all evening to do just this. Remus' idea had been to get in a position where he could eventually get to Sirius' trousers (and also pin him to the chair if need be, but he hopes that he doesn't have to resort to that); however he's overlooked one small thing. Well, perhaps not small.

He puts more effort into the kiss, draws his mouth down Sirius' neck in wet, open kisses to distract him as he shifts his hips back a little.

"Oh." says Sirius. He looks at Remus with genuine surprise. For a split second Remus thinks Sirius must have felt the press of his erection, but Sirius doesn't look embarrassed or uncertain; he looks bewildered.

"What is it?" asks Remus. He reaches under Sirius' chin to gently lift his head to look Sirius in the eye.

Sirius' eyes focus away, concentrating on Remus knows not what. "Never mind," says Sirius.

Remus smiles and leans in, bringing up his other hand to gently hold Sirius' face as they kiss. One of Sirius' hands wraps around Remus neck, fingers toying in his short hair. The other hand moves around Remus' waist and pulls him in. It is more affection than Sirius has allowed and Remus is thrilled that this is going so well.

"Ooooh," says Sirius suddenly. This time his eyes are a bit wider.

"Hmm?" murmurs Remus, wondering what this could be for the second time.

"I, uh, oh," says Sirius, and then he squirms a little in his seat. "Kiss me again."

Remus blinks twice, and then smirks as he catches on. Their mouths meet again, and this time Remus presses close making sure Sirius feels his interest. This is what they should have done from the beginning. Sirius probably panicked the first time he tried to toss off and found that he couldn't. The problem had likely just gotten bigger and bigger as his anxiety grew, and had become self-perpetuating. Sirius had simply gotten lost and couldn't find his way out.

Sirius pulls back. "Oh, oh, maaaaan," he says.

Remus leans forward and whispers in Sirius' ear, "Let me help you."

Sirius looks stricken. "You knew?"

"I suspected," lies Remus. "It happens you know-"

"Not to me it doesn't!" says Sirius, and then frowns. "Well, didn't."

Remus, ever patient, tries again. "Sometimes after illness, traumatic events, or other upheaval, a man's todger decides to go on holiday."

Remus drops his hand between them, and lets his fingers trace over the slight bulge in Sirius trousers. He wasn't fully hard, not nearly, but Remus had no doubts that he would be soon enough. He smiles as Sirius' eyes flutter a bit.

"Let me," says Remus once more. "I want to bring you off."

"What if I can't?" says Sirius, an edging panic to his tone.

Remus leans in and kisses Sirius again, but he can feel the change in Sirius and knows that his mind is chasing that worry around in circles. The bulge under his fingertips starts to ebb away. Remus pulls back, and his heart breaks a little at the flush of shame in Sirius' cheeks.

"When you were relaxed and not worrying about whether or not your cock would work it responded naturally. There's no need for shame because this is me. I understand, Sirius, I really do, and I think if you just relax, and let us play together a little you'll see everything is actually fine."

"But-"

Remus put a finger up to Sirius' lips. "Let me ask you a question; the first time you tried to toss off, was it right after your return?"

Sirius nodded. "I thought it would help me get to sleep."

"I imagine that right after you got back it really didn't work. Let me ask you another question - after that first night did you worry about it a lot?"

"It was awful," replies Sirius, "and it only got worse once we started to get a little more familiar."

"You worried that if you couldn't perform it would put a strain on us, that it would make it that much harder for us to resume our relationship, didn't you?"

Sirius looks away and gives a slight nod.

"Oh, Padfoot. I wish you had just come to me with this," says Remus. He runs his thumb over the pout in Sirius' lower lip.

"How could I?" whispers Sirius. "We were still trying to adjust to each other, get me acclimated; I couldn't add this to all of that."

"Of course you could have," says Remus softly. "But I understand why you didn't. No matter, I know now." He kisses Sirius again, and then speaks softly into his ear. "Can we try again? Do you think you could just relax, just enjoy yourself and concentrate on how you feel?"

"Yeah," says Sirius. "I think so."

"We'll go slow, okay? There's no pressure at all. If you respond, then wonderful, and if not, that's fine too."

"What if-"

Remus puts his hand over Sirius' mouth. "That is not relaxing and not worrying," he admonishes. "However, I will say if worse comes to worst, I am not above putting a potion in your pumpkin juice."

Sirius frowns deeply at this and gives Remus a small glare. Remus just chuckles.

"I really don't think that will be necessary, though," he reassures. Leaning forward again, he kisses Sirius, gentle and easy, and soon their tongues are slowly sliding together.

Remus knows when Sirius finally stops fixating on his problem - he really is quite easy to read. He sinks a little more into the chair as his muscles unknot, and then sighs between kisses. Remus lets his fingers glide down the column of Sirius' neck, over his shoulders, and then down his sides.

"Mmm," mumbles Sirius into a kiss.

Remus smiles against Sirius' mouth and then lets his fingers lightly brush over Sirius' trousers. The slight bulge is back, and damn it if Remus doesn't feel smug about that. Back and forth, he lightly traces Sirius' erection as they kiss and caress.

It doesn't take long for Sirius' erection to go from hesitant to determined. It's like a rock under a blanket, and if Remus is right it won't be long before-

"Please," whimpers Sirius.

Remus breathes a quiet laugh. "You sure?"

"Yeah," says Sirius. "Merlin, it feels good to have a hard prick again."

Determined to stay this course unhurried, Remus takes his time loosening the button and lower the zip. Predictably, Sirius makes small noises of frustration and impatience, but Remus doesn't let that sway him. So far they've been successful; he wasn't going to muck about with that.

"Come on," grumbles Sirius as Remus traces over cotton briefs with his fingers, lightly teasing the head of Sirius' cock.

"What do you want, Sirius?" asks Remus, his voice like velvet. "Do you want me to toss you off? Suck your cock? Do you want to fuck me?"

Sirius pauses, confused, and Remus almost laughs at the bemused expression on Sirius' face.

_Too many options_, he thinks.__

"How about I suck you off, Padfoot?" he purrs, this being his intent all along. Actual sex is right out; Remus only said it because Sirius likes a bit of dirty talk. He doesn't want to engage any performance anxieties as they work Sirius back to normal. A quick pull could be nice at times, and there was nothing sexier than masturbating together, but that will all happen in time.

"Yeah?" asks Sirius, and then he groans as Remus very gently pinches the head of his cock, and then gives it a little tug. There is nothing about this cock that Remus doesn't know. "Fuck, that feels good."

Remus pulls apart Sirius' open trousers, and then tugs them down his hips a bit. He wants access to it all, wants to do every little trick he ever learned about what Sirius likes. Though he suspects he won't actually get that far.

Sirius has that lovely, stupid, lust-addled grin on, and Remus just wants to shake his head. For all that this was supposed to be Sirius' Big Problem, the solution was almost too easy. He leans up again and kisses Sirius once more, this time hard and deep. He sucks Sirius' tongue into his mouth until Sirius is whimpering and bucking his hips into Remus hand, trying to get more than the meager friction he's been offered so far.

"Come on," growls Sirius, pulling away. "Suck me already."

Then Remus does laugh. _Ah, Sirius_, he thinks. _There you are.___

He draws away, running his fingers down Sirius' chest to his briefs. He settles between Sirius legs, and pulls down his pants. Springing from a thick nest of dark curls, Sirius' turgid cock is an angry red. Remus puts his hands on Sirius' thighs, and just breathes on Sirius' cock.

"You bloody tease," grits Sirius. "If you had any mercy at all-"

To shut him up, Remus licks a long, slow stripe from base to tip. Under his fingers, he feels Sirius tremble and twitch. He licks a slow path around the head, and teases the underside with his tongue.

"Not gonna last long," says Sirius.

Remus, of course, is unsurprised by this news. He slides his lips over the head of Sirius' cock and down the shaft. Sirius bucks up into his mouth, and as he does, Remus hums.

"Fuck!" exclaims Sirius. "Coming!" His body jolts and tightens like he's been struck by lightening. Salty and slightly bitter, Sirius' seed fills Remus' mouth. He swallows once, then twice, and draws away.

Sirius slumps back into the chair, spent and face flushed. His eyes are closed, and there is a little grin playing around his mouth.

"Well," says Remus. "On the whole, I would say that was a success."

Sirius blinks open his eyes, his expression full of gratitude.

"Thank you," he whispers.

Remus just grins.


End file.
